I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
