I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
