You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
