so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
