I wannas sexs uuuuu
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
how drunk are you?
Several
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
