if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
