he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
