I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
