I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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