rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
