Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
