It was confusing and full of hummus
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
