fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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