my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
