you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
