theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
