They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
