Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
