Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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