You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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