First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
