people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
