walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
