I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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