She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
