I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
