there's paper in my vomit.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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