I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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