dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
