Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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