My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
