Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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