i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
