You're a womanizer and a bitch.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
