and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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