well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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