I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I checked into jail on foursquare
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
