Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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