Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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