sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
