I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You pole danced in your parka.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
