Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
