I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
