You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
