They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
