Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
