Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
do herpes really smell.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
