Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
