oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
