If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
