What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it's like iHOP with fire
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
